When someone you love has passed

First — we're so sorry. In the middle of grief, it's hard to know what needs doing or in what order. This is a gentle, practical checklist you can move through at your own pace. Nothing here is urgent beyond the very first steps, and you don't have to do any of it alone.

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The first hours

Only a few things truly need attention right away. Everything else can wait.

Get a legal pronouncement of death

If your loved one passed at home and wasn't in hospice care, call 911. If they were in hospice or a care facility, the staff will handle this. In a hospital, the medical team takes care of it. This step is needed before anything else can proceed.

Tell the people closest to them

Reach out to immediate family and very close friends. You don't have to tell everyone yourself — ask one or two people to help spread word to the wider circle so the weight isn't all on you.

Arrange care for anyone who depends on them

Children, elderly parents, or pets may need someone to step in. A neighbour, friend, or family member can usually help right away.

Contact a funeral home or crematory when you're ready

They will arrange transport of your loved one into their care. There's no rush to decide on services yet — this first call is just to bring them somewhere safe. If you're not sure who to call, our funeral finder can help you locate one nearby.

A gentle reminder: you do not have to make any big decisions about the funeral, the service, or the cost in these first hours. Anyone who pressures you to decide quickly is not acting in your interest. Take the time you need.

The first week

Now the practical arrangements begin. Lean on others — this is exactly when people want to help but don't know how. Give them tasks.

Find any wishes they left behind

Look for a will, a prepaid funeral plan, or written wishes about burial, cremation, or the kind of service they wanted. Check with their lawyer if they had one. Knowing their wishes takes a great deal of pressure off you.

Plan the service or celebration of life

This can be a traditional funeral, a memorial, or a celebration of life — whatever feels right for them and for you. Decide on the date, place, and who will speak. You can begin building a memorial page on Butterfly Forever to gather photos, stories, and tributes from everyone who loved them.

Write and share an obituary or announcement

An obituary shares the news and the details of any service. It can be as simple or as full as you like. If the words are hard to find, our free Eulogy Assistant can help you begin.

Request death certificates

The funeral home usually helps with this. Ask for several certified copies — you'll need them for banks, insurance, pensions, and government agencies. Ten copies is a safe number for most families.

Secure their home and belongings

If they lived alone, make sure the home is locked, collect mail, and care for any plants or perishables. There's no need to sort through belongings yet — that comes much later.

The weeks that follow

The administrative side. It's tedious, and it's normal for it to take months. Keep a simple folder or notebook of who you've contacted.

Notify government agencies

In Canada, contact Service Canada to report the death and stop or transfer benefits (CPP, OAS). There may be a CPP death benefit and survivor's pension you're entitled to. Cancel their health card, driver's licence, and passport.

Contact financial institutions and insurers

Notify banks, life insurance companies, and pension providers. Life insurance can provide funds that help with costs — file any claims. An estate account may be needed for ongoing bills.

Handle the estate

If there's a will, the named executor manages the estate. If not, the estate follows provincial law. For anything complex, a wills-and-estates lawyer is worth the cost and stress it saves.

Cancel subscriptions and close accounts

Phone, streaming services, memberships, and social media. Many platforms have a process to memorialize or close an account. This can wait until you have the energy.

Look after yourself

Grief is exhausting — physically, not just emotionally. Eat, rest, and accept help. If the weight feels like too much, a grief counsellor or a support group can make a real difference. You matter in this too.

In the months ahead

There's no timeline for grief, and no wrong way to remember someone.

Keep their memory alive, your way

Some families create a lasting memorial page, plant a tree, hold an annual gathering, or start a small tradition. A Butterfly Forever memorial lets family and friends keep adding photos, stories, and tributes over the years — a living place to return to.

Mark the important dates

Birthdays and anniversaries can be tender. Deciding in advance how you'd like to spend them — quietly, or surrounded by people — can help.

Give yourself grace

Healing isn't linear. Good days and hard days will come in no particular order, and that's completely normal. Be as gentle with yourself as you would be with someone you love.

Create a place to remember them

When you're ready, a free memorial page gives family and friends a lasting place to share photos, stories, and tributes — together, forever.

Create a free memorial →